im fried.

just woke up..sigh boxing days over. yesterday we spent like 9 hours all over northumberland street going each and every shop but i end up buying erk a winter sweater and a cross necklace..i also end up carrying stuff for people which is not my fav part because i just dont like it..but it seems good that everyone is happy and glad at what they bought.. diary ive forsake u for a couple of days but i promise ill write regulary..crap all in my mind now is about this girl..its been quite a while already this crush but it seems that i cannot tahan anymore ill just write it down so it will give me ease on my heart..i know i sound like a girl but thats just me.. now this girl is unique i tell you but i dont speak to her much..but how can you like a girl if u dont speak to her much chris? aiya its just her thing that attracts me laa..not because shes cute or ugly, not because shes something else that normally people looks on but shes just uniquee..i like the way she talks, laugh and etc..the reason why this feelings struct right at my heart because hehe i was dreaming of her and yea u know normally dreams with happy moments makes you smile when you wakes up..i would really really appreciate this feeling would just go away because i have no time to think about all these in the middle of business due to assignments and reports..

but what can i do la.. its just my heart what.. i cant stop it right if thats the decision..well to be honest if i really want this feeling to disappear it will be gone..but u know to have this kind of dilemma its just rarely comes to me...whats in my mind now hmm.. i always tell myself that should i go for her or not..but when my heart says go for it.. something is stopping me as in "chris, ur going back on jan so dont make urself miserable" but the other thought is "but hey im coming back for my convo and perhaps master maybe i should give it a try!!" this kinda thinking you know..blardee hell mr devil wait till i get my hands on u..but the biggest problem is.. i always thinks that she will never like me in each and everyway cos maybe she thinks im a lunatic or something.. i mean thats what i think la..and yea i never give myself credit la because i always think that im not smart and im the least among all ppls..ahh this is sooo childish i tell you..diary hoW hOW HOW? the answer is ill just leave it all to god la.. cos he plans everything..what is not ours is not la...we will know the sooner or later what..but no matter what i still have to give it a try right in order to discover the answer.. sigh! lord i just pray and pray that you guide me along this path..and if possible just take these "crush" thing away crap...but shes soo sweet.. cut the crap chris..

wow im really moving on..but lord i really thank you for stepping into myself and thank you for your purifying love to me and i just pray that i can walk into your footsteps and be like you..and thank you also for being there for me.. AMEN. ah thanx u too diary for uhm perhaps nodding u takecare now ;)