whos the loser? *hands up*

if someone would give me a gun for christmas i ought to shoot myself with it.. i dont know i lost the will to live.. its just u know *BAM* lights off.. i just wish Lord you takecare of that.. selfish indeed but i had enough.. are you the Lord of man kind ? then when is your timing for me ? i feel like smashing my head on the table.. but i freakin cant coz ill wake derrick up.. im blowing up.. what is wrong with me O Lord? hear my pray.. cloth me Lord with your robe for i do not want this anymore... can you feel it Lord? it hurt a milion times..take me Lord..take me to your mansion .. to my room you've prepared for me..i wonder what happened to the last me..who is always on fire for you..in this land i cant feel your presence Lord not when im in malaysia..JUSTTAKEMEAWAYICANTFREAKINGSTANDITANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOMOREFREAKINLOVEMOVIESFORME... w h y m e sekian terimakasih.

like that lor..

my eye hurts because i hadnt got enough sleep.. my back hurts because i exercise too much... my tummy hurts because i ate too much.. my heart hurt because my wound was not fully stitched..my head hurt because i kept thinking about my assignment and my wonderful life.. the topic for today is hurt.. it can be a good and bad kinda hurt...so hurt doesnt mean its always bad.. its like falling down.. you just have to start brushing your knees and get upp if not u will never grow up.. some people learn from their problem some dont.. why ? because they love problems.. i was perplex at how human beings think.. all humans are crazy..

dont know what to do at the weeeeeeeeee hour.. i got class at 10 but man i feel so lazy to go.. dont give me all those lame excuses that this is my MSc or bla bla bla.. i know myself.. hehe yea lazy la.. i just dont feel like going to bed coz i wanna be online... i feel the urge to write something but all i do is rambling on and on... sayyyyyyyy should i eat ? again ? aiya dont want la.. know what? you know what people normally ask when they see you ? they got this really good habit la say "how you doin ?" i got sick of that question untill i answered " i lost the will to live.. can you help me ? " be prepare and behold no more other question after that...some people just cant talk i tell u.. they do the same crap again.. i mean they are not creative in talking at all.. i think that is why we choose people to hang around with.. its our nature ? but its not good yeah..

today's event is great.. calculated we got like 36 new comers.. really proud of God heee wahh alot of leng lui tooo =X but all speak in "ching chong" language sooo its like they know me i dont know them... booooooo .. i think i need to really learn mandrin afterall serious its hard for me to improve!! i improve only when i scold people.. which is not part of the gospel :P oooo ok
nampaknya itu sahaje berita i pada hari ini sekian terima kasih

aww!

just watched the wedding singer by adam sanler and drew barrymore and yea i like it.. went like aww... man this movie is so sweet.. nice ending and then it makes u feel like a loser in the end...feel totaly crap coz never had what i want..there is two things you cannot do in life.. let me tell you this.. you cannot go beyond the word the Lord your God to do either more or less and you cannot go against your own concience...i like it when peter make this profound statement.. he said " where else could we go Lord. we got the word of eternal life ". pray for no more misery..

saw this really cool video by kelly clerkson in the gym.. and the lyrics i tell you.. it pierce my heart bit by bit..but the peace of God took care of it in the end.. the songs called " because of you" song from MR sa tan .. anyways just have to walk on and on right.. i hope someone come around my life.. owh yea yesterday i made a promise that ill never be mean to people.. even guys...im gonna buy all the movie by adam sandler i like it.. i like 50 first dates huahua.. different from other guys dont i.. toddles diary

jialat la

wah lao eh i cant believe it.. guess what man.. i ate quite a late dinner.. i cant resist the curry chicken and thai style fried chicken made by mr derrick.. i failed but i got one good news.. i ate only a little yay.. err to define 'a little' FOR MY PORTION is kinda oh-man-im-so-full for girls.. what to do i got big tummy.. somemore right i can barely shit at night.. i mean the food that i ate during lunch doesnt seem to become taik.. think somethings wrong with my stomach.. yalar even i drank chinese tea.. those typical chinese tea man.. somemore use the chinese pot.. what to do ? PRAY..

first day of our vision seeking meeting was how to put it EXCELLENT bold + italic somemore. aiya sien already aku pergi mandi ciao.

my dream.

OUT!!! please.
i tought about you today.. and believe me it wasnt at the right time..where did you bring me? i forget.. did u bring me to the same old place we use to go ? i miss it i really do.. i was dreaming the whole night long.. and yea the stupidest thing was i grin when the words went through my mind..well i was quiet tonight i try to control but i guess i pass while i was playing guitar.. i dint wanna go there but i let my imigination fly me there.. and it was really sweet indeed.. i recap on the post.. and i want it so bad to fulfil my own lust.. had an ice breaker game its something like "think of something that u did that someone dint do" the first time that came in mind was going after u... the time i spent.. funny innit 8 months of dieting just to go after a girl ? so selfish! and i dont know maybe its God's will do go our own way ? i judge too fast..i make decisions too fast and then after that i regret.. i go like owh fuck me..im standing in the natural now..where all the being think whats right just because they think its right..u know whats my mistake? my biggest mistake was knowing you.. my head is gonna fuckin blow.. im struggling inside.. i cant take it u know.. feel like singing this song.. walaupun aku sedar dan tahu tiada wanita didunia setanding mu.. oh fuck that crap...diary cant i be a little bit human at times? must i spoil peoples party ? now leo and min just drop by they went all the way to cheryls how to take my bag..God pamper me alot and i hate it :(.. i hate it when i have to feel awe all the time..but i still love God..i've change alot yes.. to be someone i never want to be.. bye diary thanxs for listening..

talk to the hand!

hehe i was planning to skip class due to visa session but guess what.. the class got canceled aha now my conscience feels ebit relief..can anyone tell me why is my left eye twitching because it is dry ? i dont know it is weird, then i start sort of winking..which is a problem because the girls would tought i was winking at them..then they faint.. then they run away..tomorrow is friday and i like fridays because it is the first day of the weekend like monday..i feel so sien man now 30 more mins untill visa session..sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh why ? see below

i sigh because :

• the time passes very slow and there is nothing to entertain me.
• my body is aching due to the exercise i did.
• i feel like sighing
• i got too much assignments in mind and i dont know where to start + most of em are group assignments.
• my hair grows very slow and it is ebit cacated.
• my stomach is still very big and imaginging the amount of years i need to spend to exercise.
• i spent too much money in a month time and it makes me feels ive spent almost 1 million RM in a freaking month
• i need to seek for accommodation around fenham or heaton not near to the university because i already bought a bus pass for the whole decade..
• there is no chic for me to see in the library ngek
• my sister is getting married with someone 7 years younger then her but i dont mind
• i still got a long way to go in life.
• i have to GO NOW!

yawn

hehe i quoted this from kenny's site. This video ought to teach all the guys out there a cold hard lesson: NEVER EVER hit a girl, or you'll be drinking strawberry milkshake the way he did.

In case you're wondering, the girl in the video with the sexy cleavage is Scarlett Ting. For the background story leading up to that incident, read Sassyjan.

today.

eekkkk not enough sleep...slept too much maybe NOT.. woke up around like 11 am haha mandi ebit then go for group meeting.. and today is really a funny day.. we spent like 3 hours on our discussion and FINALLY we come out with some system *roll eyes*.. post pix first yay.. but quite blur i sux at taking pix..;(



an image of alex, the womanizer as in orally.



this is elwin, quiet but effective got alot of bright ideas but too complex for our system.



our resource/system analyst and secretary alwes and christine. (shouldnt have use those roles)



i dint take it.. it was uhmm . . . . . . . . . ME! huahua but alex pressed the button so we both do it.. well what u think man.. 3 hours in the meeting ? if not take girls pix then take guys meh.. think i saw her in CF.

then.. i went home and pengsan for a bit.. hit the gym at around 6 ++ hey man i was quite impress they installed a projector!! kewl.. but dont think the facilities change.. but management has improve.. THEN

went for prayer meeting.. alot of laughter.. dont know why we react differently with different kinda people is it the contrab we set in our brain.. but yeah i had alot of laughter today la.. God is stitching back my wound coz i tear it up yesterday sigh.. thank u Lord

hehe.. tipsy.

tonight was okie to me.. strange.. i've actually achieve my new year resolution before it even start which is "talk less do more"...and sometimes i use it as an excuse not to talk with newcomer you know as in people that i am not really close with.. hmm i dont know whats wrong...you know sometimes when you talk to a person it gives you the reason to talk to he/she over again and again.. its like if you put 2 person that how to put it "same channel" you can talk like nobody's business lor.. but it is also said that the people with the same channel dont seem to go further than a normal friendship. that is such a legal term to you..dont really agree with that.. dont you choose a relationship base on your comfort with the individual ? crazy this world i tell you.. dont know why am i jumping into this kinda topic..i need to run the race wei.. now the devil is really weighting me with his temptation, a brand new topic of "relationship".. really really hate it when people take things for granted..blame who ? then the question of "who are you serving now" occurs.. confusing innit..haih no trouble look for trouble..talk bout something else la..

starting next week.. which is the first day of the week named "monday" , me christopher wong cjin sing a.k.a mr make things new will join the gym..hehe actually i made an agreement of a bet..with me frens which is, 1 month !! dont care how fat you are, you have to lose 3 kg per week.. man im going to trash myself.. i know i can do it.. no more evening meals, no more eating after 8.. that means during prayer meeting u'll be hearing my stomach groaning like a roaring lion.. owh i must GET RID OF 3 kg per week.. back to my old strict rules this time its unconditional.. exercise exercise exericse.. i might think of joining the GYM.. but then when i see the weigh i cannot tahan wanna carry them.. but man thats it i cant lift weight anymore.. muscle quite big edi =X okie "talk less do more" SAYA BOLEH.

only 1 month of suffering man only 1 month than i'll shout.. YES!!! and Lord also help me to put my trust on you, not on exercise to lose weight.. i need to focus more on you interms of everything really.. these few days gosh.. all on me me me.. guide me Lord for my weaknesses will be made perfect by your strength

in the lab

hoh my first time blogging outside..i just read my assignment question and God help me its really uhm complicated..its like i dont know what on earth is going on..hate assignment man.. maybe starting class is not a good idea afterall NOT my father both on earth and in heaven will kill me lol..i need some sugar seriously i can feel the dizzyness exploding in the inner part of me head!.. but does that mean i got not enough sugar in my body ? what crap am i talking about.. now i have to plan already for my daily timetable i got a feeling that MSc is not easy afterall. if i only i could shout!! i feel like shouting NOW...15 mins left think chris think what to write..yesterday i went to nina's place and boy she whine alot from her work condition to going back to malaysia grand father story.. and i wasnt given any opportunity to talk.. and i went back late around 2 am and i ate supper which breaks my own conditional law..and i dont get enough sleep..and i dint bath in the morning..which makes me feel so sticky now..and why am i writing everything in 1 paragraph shadap!

you got alot of crap you know? hfhfhfhf bye going to class :D

why do this kinda stories stick on me? -.-"

10th Grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. she was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, black hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and i handed them to her. she said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. she was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart. she asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. she looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did.

Prom night
After everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her gown and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another guy. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". she said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! "I wish I did too..." I thought to my self, and I cried.


lazy to blog..paste sad stories.. enjoy

uhh sigh

im sorry.. sometimes i lose my cool. thats why the word sorry exist and it's one of God's fav given to us.. still praying for salvation to come unto thee.

sien la..

after all those faces & attitude and you come back to me asking how are you feeling? its like a revenge..but im still and calm for i know who's game is this.. i dont recall stepping on your freakin tail hoe. shit on you.

sigh

wow i heard that you moved on got someone already somemore..boleh tahan.. no, its not too fast, but i am really suprise..hehe my fav pharse "aiya its okie la" i wish i can really stop using it. hehe so must be someone really deserving huh..waa im really glad for you.. must be someone who can really make you laugh..someone who has broad shoulder to hug hehe.. aiya serious happy for ya.. dont know what kinda feeling is this its a mixture u know.. but 70% goes to happy for you hehe.. as for me i dont know la.. still like that lor with the 1980 pickup lines hehe semakin berkarat...im tired really.. well was thinking back the times..was really fun alot of laughter hehe with all those stupid nonsense..

all i can do is hehe now.. really sooo happy for you ah..but i would like to thank you for stepping in my life once again.. and really a huge change.. the word you told me before i never forget.. that shows who i am today.. "go there go to church ah can make alot frens one" " o " how can i forget its so clear in my mind now..its like ur whispering on my ear.. it is still very clear.. well uhm i started uni already.. i like it actually.. sigh tired la not upset hehe.. thats all i think need to sleep..dont forget to bring porridge that guy ya.. takecare now ;)

story of a mum.

got one story to share..pls read through...
My mom only had one eye.
I hated her... she was such an embarrassment...
She cooked for students & teachers...to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school and my mom came.
I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me?
I threw her a hateful look and ran out.
The next day at school...
"Your mom only has one eye?!?!"...eeeee said a friend.
I wished my mom would just disappear from this world.
So I said to my mom, "Mom... Why don't you have the other eye?!
If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just
die?!!!"
My mom did not respond...
I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think
that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time...
Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me,
but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.
That night...
I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she
might wake me.
I took a look at her, and then turned away.
Because of the thing I had said to her earlier,
there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart.
Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye.
So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful.
Then I studied real hard.
I left my mother and went to Singapore to study.
Then, I got married.
I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too...
Now I'm living happily as a successful man.
I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my
mom.
This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when...
What?! Who's this?!
It was my mother...Still with her one eye.
I felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.
Even my children ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
And I asked her, "Who are you?!" "I don't know you!!!" as if trying
to make that real.
I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my
children!"
GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
And to this, my mother quietly answered,
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,"
and she disappeared out of sight.
Thank good ness... She doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved.
I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for
the rest of my life.
Then a wave of relief came upon me...
One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house in
Singapore.
So, lying to my wife that I was going on a business trip, I went.
After the reunion, I went down to the old shack,
that I used to call a house... Just out of curiosity
There, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
But I did not shed a single tear.
She had a piece of paper in her hand....It was a letter to me.
"My son...I think my life has been long enough now...
And... I wont visit Singapore anymore...
But would it be too much to ask if I wanted you
to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much..
And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.
But I decided not to go to the school for you...
And I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment
for you.
You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and
lost your eye.
As a mom, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only
one eye...
So I gave you mine...
I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole
new world for me, in my place, with that eye.
I was never upset at you for anything you did..
The couple times that you were angry with me..
I thought to myself, 'It's because he loves me..'
My son... Oh, my son... "
This message has a very deep meaning and is passed to remind people of
the goodness they have enjoy was because of others directly or
indirectly.
Pause a moment and consider your life!
Be thankful of what you have today compared to many millions who do
not live lives as you do!
Do spend some time in prayer for your mum out there!

lets think.. :)

roarr angry ppl around.

you know what.. this world is full of angry people..seriously.. they got money, the time, the looks and all the worldly stuff and their still angry.. my goodness whats wrong with all these people.. cant you just smile for once? why do these people have to make other people's life ebit more misrable ? if you wonder along your life without smiling, laughing and you know ENJOYING then whats the point of moving on ? even the poor are much more happier than all these angry people to be honest i rather being poor than rich..the rich are full of arrogant, proud of themself and you can see that their nose are really really long.. but still not happy its a disease that has been eating THESE kind of people up.. ohh i know why.. all they need is Jesus..i mean people these days working hard like mad cows earning their pants off and what you get in the end of the day ? divorce.. failures.. sickness.. man you're paying everything down the drain and you end up gaining UNHAPPYNESS by paying your debt off..my goodness what am i talking about.. just all from what i tought of..

Jesus said. " come for who you are heavy and laden, come and i will give you rest. for my yoke and burden is light and easy. " hey brethen.. i got a secret for you.. and i tell you this great revealation from the Lord, learn the truth and the truth will set you free. For this Author came not to destroy but to give Life and above it all more abundently. Don't wait till your 30, when your a manager to have a marry life, dont wait till your on top of someone you dislike for ages to start laughing. LAUGH now brethen..enjoy the party.. don't follow the worldly wisdom.. follow Jesus learn HIM.. for with Him everything was made and without Him nothing was made..how your gonna WIN without him ? without the blesser? this tought just came in mind when i was queing up at the school office just now.. my goodness everyone was cursing and angry angry people all around..sour faces all around.. i felt so disappointed.. and withmyself too i am the culprit if you talk about waiting for somethin.. haha i also dont know what crap am i talking about..

got my first assignment today.. lol seem pretty worried already but no worries..notice what the Lord told his disciples according to the 4 book? he kept on saying "Do not fear, no worry, let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid, my son listen to me do not be afraid but believe and miracles will happen" aww see how much He loved us.. DO not worry for it withdraws your faith.. DO not worry for your indirectly saying to God that you are incharge of everything..but God says DO not worry for the WORK IS DONE!! it is completed at the cross..everything has been taking care of!! just guard your heart.. he said ABOVE all things guard your heart with all dilligence and out of it springs the issues of Life... hehe habis cerita ;)

huhu..

my goodness i hate monday because..
- i have to wake up before 9 am for class
- monday always give me the feeling that weekend is wayyy too far away..
- people are normally grumpy because they need to work/study/doing-all-the-not-so-happy-stuff.
- the name of the day is weird.
- i have to remind myself what the lecturer tought me last week..which i dont really remember
- i have to eat sandwiches or instant noodles or pasta during lunch because its kinda a routine in my mind..
- worrying about the time i have to wake up the next day due to class..

i like weekends because..
- i get to hang out with my cool buddies.
- i get to eat all i want, whatever i have in mind and i have plenty of time to thinkkkkkk.
- i get to spend my money on take-aways or shoppin cause i use the hey-its-holiday-gift-yourself-a-break kinda excuses huhu.. but i never end up getting guilty.
- i can praise the Lord with all my brethen..it makes me feel social
- i get to drink beer or wine or whatever that makes me fly high.. in the bracket, on ocassions only.. (what a lie)
- i can buy drinks and put it in my friends house and call it an occasion.. self lying cow hole.
- i laugh more during the weekends.. i got no idea why but i need to work out on that.
- i can have lunch with my brethen right after church on sundays.
- i got people telling me to stop eating coz ive been eating to much
- i can eat with all the laughing exotic brethen of mind..
- i can make everyone laugh everytime without fail.. but depends on the company.
-i love weekend :)

ja ne-