im fried.

just woke up..sigh boxing days over. yesterday we spent like 9 hours all over northumberland street going each and every shop but i end up buying erk a winter sweater and a cross necklace..i also end up carrying stuff for people which is not my fav part because i just dont like it..but it seems good that everyone is happy and glad at what they bought.. diary ive forsake u for a couple of days but i promise ill write regulary..crap all in my mind now is about this girl..its been quite a while already this crush but it seems that i cannot tahan anymore ill just write it down so it will give me ease on my heart..i know i sound like a girl but thats just me.. now this girl is unique i tell you but i dont speak to her much..but how can you like a girl if u dont speak to her much chris? aiya its just her thing that attracts me laa..not because shes cute or ugly, not because shes something else that normally people looks on but shes just uniquee..i like the way she talks, laugh and etc..the reason why this feelings struct right at my heart because hehe i was dreaming of her and yea u know normally dreams with happy moments makes you smile when you wakes up..i would really really appreciate this feeling would just go away because i have no time to think about all these in the middle of business due to assignments and reports..

but what can i do la.. its just my heart what.. i cant stop it right if thats the decision..well to be honest if i really want this feeling to disappear it will be gone..but u know to have this kind of dilemma its just rarely comes to me...whats in my mind now hmm.. i always tell myself that should i go for her or not..but when my heart says go for it.. something is stopping me as in "chris, ur going back on jan so dont make urself miserable" but the other thought is "but hey im coming back for my convo and perhaps master maybe i should give it a try!!" this kinda thinking you know..blardee hell mr devil wait till i get my hands on u..but the biggest problem is.. i always thinks that she will never like me in each and everyway cos maybe she thinks im a lunatic or something.. i mean thats what i think la..and yea i never give myself credit la because i always think that im not smart and im the least among all ppls..ahh this is sooo childish i tell you..diary hoW hOW HOW? the answer is ill just leave it all to god la.. cos he plans everything..what is not ours is not la...we will know the sooner or later what..but no matter what i still have to give it a try right in order to discover the answer.. sigh! lord i just pray and pray that you guide me along this path..and if possible just take these "crush" thing away crap...but shes soo sweet.. cut the crap chris..

wow im really moving on..but lord i really thank you for stepping into myself and thank you for your purifying love to me and i just pray that i can walk into your footsteps and be like you..and thank you also for being there for me.. AMEN. ah thanx u too diary for uhm perhaps nodding u takecare now ;)

retreat!

This year's retreat from everyone's opinion is abysmal. its said better then last year's wahah joking i think every year they have their own uniqueness. and this year im really glad that im there.. hey i have lotsa fun!! lotsa friends.. to minimise everything, relationship among bro and sis became much closer which is abysmal too lol im obssessed with this word now. well there's too much to write about on the retreat, and i don't wanna recall back those sweet times so..but i shall upload a few pics..thats if i can find a nice one of me..im so not photogenic i tell u!!..

wedding was really really abysmal yesterday.. small but just enough to call it a wedding..most of the classmates showed up i mean only those who are friends hehe.. well took alot of pictures and videos that also has to been carefully selected cos u know the not-photogenic thing.. ohw diary guess woot? i bought a full set of formals before the wedding and uhm i always think i dont look good in formal but to be honest, from other people's point of view they say i rock in it esp with blazers on *wink*..yea went mangos for dinner..i wonder why whenever theres a celebration or some reunion thing mangos will be the venue bleah.. guess woot? we whoop 84 cans of 500ML BEER and we drank untill we were kneeling down..gah i couldnt remember untill the next morning..

i got woke up by patricia's call this morning..time for christmas shopping yay..always have a girl beside you when your choosing gifts cos they know the best..bought tons of groceries from netto, morrisons etc for christmas party..shes inviting everyone from the retreat but the house cant fit for even 15 ppls =X.. guess woot diary? i think im growing fat again from the pictures taken by huimin's make-ppls-face-fat camera..gah i admit im fat but other ppl looks fatter too in the pics so im on the safe side mauahah..i only got a few christmas gift today..need to wait untill 24th to wh00p everything up cos its cheaper.. ah well i guess thats it i shall hook up some pics for the next entry takecare now diary.

sigh

Hello diary...It's been a long time since I have wrote anything to myself or anyone. My biggest problem will be miss spelled words and missing words all together. And I tend to babble on & on & U get the pic, right? You'll see. Just fill in the blanks with your best jugdement. So lately its felt like everything has been going wrong (assignment). I’m tired to the point of dizziness all day, then can’t sleep when I lie down. It feels like everything stressful in my life has been magnified. I am stressed to the point of breaking…of just throwing my head back and shouting! I’ve felt like this for the day and I just couldn’t figure out why. But I am glad that christmas retreat is just a few days ahead and I am glad that for this christmas, i can actually spend my time with my christian friends..Well, I think I've matured a lot since last year. Last year at Christmas it was all about me, but this year I feel it's more about my friends. I want to make others happy. I don't know what on earth's got into me. It's sort of creepy. Sure I'm still happy to be getting presents, who isnt?..well i think its just god's work and im glad in this state.

Anyway. i'm having a dilemma with people who lie to me. I've come to realize that these people are only lying because they are too naive to know that what they're saying isn't true. in the mean time judging others is also wrong. I think part of this is because they never tried to succeed in their life and think that life is lets-have-fun-all-the-time. I feel that there's more to life than what we think of as love and relationships etc. There's more to life than that, and if you feel empty inside, then that's why. People are put on earth to help other people, and if you're not doing that in one way or another, and not just in your family, then you're missing out on happiness. and if you're not striving for goodness or making a try to get out there and live, then what are you doing here? bleah me and my thoughts.. guitar time! or talking time! ugh takecare diary.

$ME

If you've ever thought about it, the saying that "the World is a stage" is very true. Everyone everywhere is always putting on an act to hide who and how they really are. and in Acting you become someone who you are not, you change your appearance slightly, you wear a costume, it's like halloween but only better! this is where i'm going to pull off my mask, costume, and just try to be myself, the real me... the things i love and hate (funny how everything seems to be a love hate thing if you ever stop to notice) but i will try not to hate much as in getting rid of the aweful habit..thats how imma improve..Hopefully ppl like the show that is me, but at the same time, it doesn't matter if ppl do or not because this is me, and it's my place to be me...hehe and below are some silly jokes *grins*.

Why I'm so Tired...
For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, exercise, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason;I'm tired because I'm overworked. Let me explain...

1. The population of england is 239 million(example). 106 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
2. There are 83 million who are under-age or still in school, and 3 people who are still working on their PhD's since the 50's, which leave 49.99997 million to do the work.
3. Four million, four hundred ninety nine thousand, nine hundred seventy are in the Armed Forces, which leaves forty five and a half million to do the civilian work.
4. Of this there are 29.4 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 18.5 million to do the work. Half that many work for State and City Governments, and leaving 1,400,000 to do the work.
5. Now, there are 895,798 people in prisons, so that leaves 504,202 to do the work.
There are 504,200 people being treated in hospitals, at doctor appointments, or on sick leave today.

6.That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. ...and you're sitting there playing around on the internet.

dear god

forgive me father for i have sin..yes i admit that this week i smack two guys..one was derrick's best friend's cousin and one was zhaofeng the guy who stayed in vincents flat due to some misunderstand..i shall not elaborate, because you were there when the incident happened..sometimes i really wonder how can i get to that point..hitting someone without negotiating is really a bad idea after all..that shows who am i before..terrible and yet brainless when it comes to negotiating..*sigh* really hard being a christian aint it..what vinci said was true.."if you hit someone even tho his guilty you are being more stupid" aww comeon let it go.. cheer up..lets talk about something else uhm say..let me think..yea! patricia's graduation day..uhm well basically every one was there at 2:30..but we waited for like 45 mins for pat to come out..somemore its so cold!? uhh so we went and camp in drill hall waited for another 15 mins to find her etc.. so yeah i dont know why when it comes to picture session time i get all excited..its like im the one whos graduating...i dont think pictures taken was clear cos the sky was so dark..so yeah after picture session hit student union grab some coffee and minced pie..

i think during derrick's graduation day was even better they have uhm fried lalah..err or was it oyster..cant remember but minced pie...ewww no complain chris its free -_-;; i think they need to hook up with a suggestion box where ppl can suggest good food for the next graduation day...which is my graduation day yay..i dont think mom is gonna come cos shes busy teaching people how to behave themself..and her own son doesnt even know how? what a shame..thus, dad cant go out of country..god knows why..maybe his too busy with his wifes, son daughter and etc..maybe sis and bro would..but no worries chris u still have your friends..enough of graduation..hmm i think ching is in taiwan de..well hope she have fun..ah its hard for me to write while my brain is thinkin of assignment..ill just keep on praying that this nightmare will come to an end..what a complicated entry this is..unrelated to what im thinkin right now.. well thats all diary, ill hook up with a nice entry after my assignments are due!

im dead.

dear diary,
today is one deary day that promises nothing but assignment.. i really had enough of this java bullshit unrelated to my knowledge kinda thing where you need to crack your freakin head and solve one tiny winy problem..it just makes me feel grumpy when i turn on my com and start thinking about the algorithm i need to prepare, thus to code everything down without making any mistakes using my tiny brain..lets put the whinning aside, today is just a day while u walk around eldon square and marvel at how nice everything is going and how wonderful you feel of gods creation after sitting infront of the freakin com for decades! gosh assignments is really haunting my toughts now..imagine how many things you need to complete with unreasonable time given..i have a huge headache that's already dampening my spirits heavily. what does one do when he has too many things in mind? a break is all i can say..im suppose to hit the assignment but i figure ill have enough time for that on the weekends.. thats the kinda guy a i am when assignments are due..completely procrastinating, over-confident, last minute. i can already declare that it'll be a miracle if i pass.

dad woke me up with a call today, by the time i said hello i already knew what he'd said "what are you doing ? u got enough money or not ? yesterday you became ghost again ? if ya want some cash just sms me" i wonder why his thinkin about money all the time..yea la if u got no money how to survive.. i should be thankful but not in the mood to do so now.. and the "pursuing your master" thing is still in his mind.. i tell you if i spend another year here ill rot of singleness and boredom.. well not so say that i dont have friends, BUT gosh maybe i should do gods will..okie im spiritually touch now.. if its NOT because of the bible instructing you to OBEY your parents.. i shalt not even bother to study here..maybe im not a fully built christian YET as in spiritually, yeah i get tempted quite often and if i hit back malaysia the devil will definately rule over me..theres too much jargon in my head now...need to hit sound of control for exchange and pixs.. thats all the whinning, bye diary.